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Two Keys to Cultivating Character

By Stephen Blandino on February 9, 2011 in Personal Growth with 0 Comments

You’ve probably heard it said that 90% of an iceberg is below the surface of the water. Character is the same way. It may not always be seen, but it reveals itself when you bump into it. Unfortunately, some leaders have very little below the surface because they’re enamored by doing more than being. Ruth Barton captured it best when she said, “We set young leaders up for a fall if we encourage them to envision what they can do before they consider the kind of person they should be.” So how do you develop character that will sustain your life and leadership for the long haul? What does it take to build your life below the surface? Let me suggest that character is formed in LORDSHIP and HARDSHIP.

Lordship asks the question, “Who owns you?” In our Americanized version of Christianity we too often look at Christ as nothing more than an addition to our overly complicated lives. “Addition Christianity” is nothing more than accepting God’s grace so that we can add eternal life to the mix. Jesus becomes nothing more than an add-on to our lives, like a job, school, car, sports, or television. But this type of Christianity doesn’t form Christlike character within us.

Christ wants to own your life. It only makes sense considering He’s already paid for you. And when He owns you, His character is formed in you. Why? Because you always take on the character of what owns you. That means if I want Christlike character to be formed within me, somebody besides me must own me. When Christ’s Lordship is truly at work in your life, there is no question who the owner is. That’s when “Addition Christianity” is replaced with “Ownership Christianity.

Hardship asks, “How do you perceive and respond to tough times?” As much as we hate to admit it, our character rarely grows during the good times. It’s the hardships of life that God uses to form us, mold us, and shape us. And while the tough times may not come from God, He certainly doesn’t waste them either. Hardship is a two-sided coin–it reveals our character and refines our character…if we let it.

I think Joni Eareckson Tada, who at the age of 17 was crippled in a diving accident, understands the value of hardship best. In an interview with Larry King, when she was asked where God was in the events of September 11, Joni responded: “After 35 years living as a quadriplegic, I learned that God permits what he hates in order to accomplish those things that he loves.” She went on to say, “Sometimes the reasons for what he allows are hidden from our sight, but what we do know is that he loves to redeem and reclaim and rescue and save those who turn to him in need. You see, I need him now more than I did the day of my accident, and maybe that’s not such a bad thing.”

Most of us won’t have to personally endure hardship like Joni Eareckson Tada’s accident or the horrific events of September 11th, but if you choose to walk the road of character development, you will experience hardship. Character formation isn’t easy. It requires surrender to Christ’s Lordship and suffering through hardship. But in the end, the beauty of Christ’s character is formed within us.

Question: What lessons on character formation could you add? 

 

Personal Growth Math

By Stephen Blandino on February 4, 2011 in Personal Growth with 0 Comments

Personal growth is like an equation. Unfortunately too many of us only experience a narrow slice of growth because our growth equation is limited to a single growth approach. If you want to reach your full potential, practice “personal growth math”: Addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division.

Addition - The most common equation in personal growth is the addition of knowledge, attitudes, habits, and practices. We don’t struggle too much with this idea of growth. It’s the process of taking what we want to learn, or how we want to grow, and strategically adding it to our lives. Addition is the most common form of “personal growth math.”

Subtraction - Alvin Toffler captured the idea of subtraction best when he said, “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” Lifelong learners understand that personal growth is about subtracting old learning so that you can make room for new learning. Without subtraction, learning becomes stale, outdated, or irrelevant.

10,000 Hours

By Stephen Blandino on February 1, 2011 in Personal Growth with 0 Comments

Have you ever asked yourself, “What would it take to become an expert in my field?” The thought of being an expert is appealing, but the pathway to get there may not be. Earl Nightingale once said, “If a person will spend one hour a day on the same subject for five years, that person will be an expert on that subject.” Well, turns out, it takes a bit more than that to reach the highest levels of expertise.

Research suggests that to reach the highest levels of expertise requires 10,000 hours of practice spread over ten years. That comes out to roughly 2.7 hours a day. That’s every day! And that’s everyday for ten years. Still want to be an expert?

In what one area of your life would you like to develop a high level of expertise? If you don’t like the word “expert,” replace it with a word that better suits you. Now, what will it take to get there? What does your 10,000 hours look like? And when will you start? Remember, you eat an elephant one bite at a time. The best leaders and learners are those with perspective.

 

Learning is the Master Skill

By Stephen Blandino on January 31, 2011 in Personal Growth with 0 Comments

Personal growth is no doubt essential to reaching your full potential. And the beginnings of personal growth require the skill of learning. But learning is not just any skill…it’s the master skill. Leadership experts Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner observe:

Learning is the master skill. When you fully engage in learning–when you throw yourself whole-heartedly into experimenting, reflecting, reading, or getting coaching–you are going to experience the thrill of improvement and the taste of success. More is more when it comes to learning.

Learning is the skill that makes all other skills possible. It’s the master at the helm of your skill set, determining which skills will be refined and improved, which new skills will be acquired, and which skills will grow rusty and useless like an abandoned saw in a leaky wood shed.

So if you want to keep your skills sharp, growing, and useful, make the master skill your highest priority. Keep learning…daily.

Questions: On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best) how would you rate the master skill of learning in your life? What have you found helpful in keeping the master skill fresh, vibrant, and hungry?


4 Questions to Start the New Year

By Stephen Blandino on December 31, 2010 in Personal Growth with 0 Comments

Last year I started the new year with a series of four posts titled, “Four Questions to Start the New Year.” Here’s the links to each of those posts…they’re a great way to start the year with growth goals that actually materialize (as opposed to resolutions that fizzle after a couple of weeks). 
Let these questions help you get started right as we launch into another year.

2010′s Twelve Most Popular Articles

By Stephen Blandino on December 29, 2010 in Church, Leadership, Organizations, Personal Growth with 0 Comments

As we wrap up 2010, I thought I would post my top 12 most popular blog articles from this year (thanks for the idea Mark Howell):



5 Truths About Discipline

By Stephen Blandino on December 12, 2010 in Leadership, Personal Growth with 1 Comment

Discipline probably isn’t your favorite topic. It’s not mine either. I have areas of my life where discipline is really tough. You probably do too. And in the life of a leader, discipline not only impacts you, it impacts everyone you lead. So, here are five truths about discipline…and some inspirational quotes to drive them home.

1. Discipline is the Great Conqueror - Plato said, “The first and best victory is to conquer self” and President Harry Truman said, “In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves. Self-discipline with all of them came first.”

2. Discipline Brings Focus to Talent - H. Jackson Brown Jr. said, “Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There’s plenty of movement, but you never know if it’s going to be forward, backwards, or sideways.”

3. Discipline Garners Respect for Leaders - Author Ray Pritchard said, “A leader is disciplined. If you expect discipline among your followers and lack it in your own life, your followers will first lose respect and then grow to resent you.”

4. The You of Tomorrow will be the Result of Today’s Discipline - H.P. Lindon said, “What we do on some great occasion will probably depend on what we already are; and what we are will be the result of previous years of self-discipline.”

5. Discipline is the Pain that Repels Regret - Author Paul Batura writes, “It’s been said that there are two types of pain in life; the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Choose your pain; the choice is yours!”

Question: Which of these “discipline truths” challenges you the most? What “discipline truths” could you add to the list?

 

The Forgotten Ingredient in Playing to Your Strengths

By Stephen Blandino on November 19, 2010 in Leadership, Personal Growth with 0 Comments

If you’ve been in leadership circles for long, you’re familiar with the phrase, “Play to your strengths.” I believe it completely! It makes all the difference in the world when it comes to delivering sustainable results and cultivating long-term employee satisfaction. But there’s one point that is often misunderstood.

As I’ve talked with other leaders who believe deeply in maximizing their strengths, sometimes they overlook their weaknesses to their demise. And when you confront them on the issue, they quickly and unashamedly say, “But that’s not my strength.” I get it! And I’m glad they get it. But if that’s where your view of weaknesses ends, there’s something that you don’t get: Compensation.

No, I’m not talking about money. Nor am I talking about your benefits package or your desire for a pay raise. I’m talking about compensating for your weaknesses. I’m talking about more than being blissfully aware of your strengths-I’m talking about being responsible in what you do about your weaknesses.

I’ve come to realize quite clearly what I do well. I understand what puts wind in my sails. And I work as hard as I can to play to my strengths as often as I can. Gallups research indicates that less than 2 out 10 people get to play to their strengths most of the time at work. That’s a travesty. And honestly, I couldn’t imagine being one of the 8 out 10. But I also understand what I don’t do well. I know what deflates me and what weaknesses have the potential to derail me. But a weakness is okay as long as I compensate for it. Otherwise, my weakness will turn into a liability…for me and the organization. 

I know this: If I don’t find ways to compensate for my weaknesses, the day will come where  I’ll no longer get to play to my strengths. Why? Because I’ll be out of a job. Why? Because while employers love the idea of employees playing to their strengths, there’s one thing most employers love even more…knowing that the job is getting done. All of it! The moment your weakness becomes your organization’s weakness, you’ll be standing in the unemployment line. It’s not enough to acknowledge what your weaknesses are (although that’s where all of us must start). You also need a plan that helps you navigate your weaknesses. Anything less is irresponsible.

So if you don’t know what your strengths are, find them. And once you find them, play to them. And as you play to them, hone them. But in the process, don’t forget that tiny big issue-compensate for your weaknesses. Here’s how:

1. Identify a Partner: Who can you partner with (that has a different set of strengths) allowing both of you to spend more time playing to your strengths?

2. Make People Development Your Top Priority: Most employees spend more time doing the work than developing people. The best leaders are people developers. The more people you develop, the more work you’ll get done through others.

3. Delegate Without Dumping: Who can you delegate your weaknesses to (for whom they are a strength)? This might include fellow employees, interns, or volunteers. When you delegate a weakness to someone for whom it is also a weakness, you’re not delegating…you’re dumping. Delegating is a powerful reality–for you and the person you’re delegating to–so long as it is done right.

4. Outsource: Who can you hand weaknesses off to outside of the organization via outsourcing? Are there companies, organizations, services, or hungry college students looking for extra work?

5. Evaluate Alignment: Is your role aligned so much with your weaknesses that you need to move into a new role all together? This is a tough admission, but one that requires total honesty. It’s unrealistic to expect to spend significant amounts of time playing to your strengths if your current role doesn’t need your strengths. While easier said than done, you have to put together a plan to make a change in roles…even if it requires going back to school or putting together a long-term transition plan.

Question: What does your compensation plan look like? 

Bill Tate’s Regret…And When You Wake Up 12 Months from Today

By Stephen Blandino on November 5, 2010 in Personal Growth with 0 Comments

Regrets! We all have them, and, in some cases, more than we’d like to admit. In most cases, our biggest regrets are not regrets of action, but rather regrets of inaction. Regrets of sitting comfortably on the sidelines while our greatest opportunities passed us by. Bill Tate was quite familiar with the regret of inaction.

The date was December 17, 1903. It was a cold, windy day in Martins Point, North Carolina. Stepping out of his home onto the porch, only to feel the sting of the cold air and see the ice puddles forming in his yard, Bill Tate quickly reasoned, “There won’t be any flying today!” And with that he returned to the warmth of his home. But his curiosity got the best of him. Later that morning he left his house, and as he approached the post office on his way to Kitty Hawk, a young boy named Johnny Moore screamed out, “They done it! They done it! Damn’d if they ain’t flew!” Tate’s heart sank as the realization of the biggest regret of his life gripped his mind–he just missed Wilbur and Orville Wright’s first flight. 

What do you regret? There’s not much you can do about it now, so let’s turn the page to a more important question. What are you on the verge of regretting if you don’t take action? Where has inaction gripped your mind and placed shackles on your feet? Maybe you’ve been dreaming of starting a business. Perhaps you never finished your degree, or maybe you want to pursue your masters or doctorate. Maybe you’ve rationalized why it’s not the right time to make a bold leadership decision at church. Or perhaps your heart has grown cold as you’ve resisted the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I don’t know what regret is knocking at your door. But I do know this: Delay is the precursor of regret. Take your finger off the pause button and take your first step. 

Question: When you wake up 12-months from now, will you be able to point to today as the day your action button was taken off of pause?

5 Meaningless Apologies…And One That Works

By Stephen Blandino on September 16, 2010 in Personal Growth with 0 Comments

You’ve probably experienced it before, maybe more times than you care to count. You know…somebody apologizes to you, but the apology is cluttered with background noise. Rather than a sincere apology where the offender takes full responsibility for their words and actions, there’s a hint of justification, arrogance, or even denial in their so called “apology.” Before this turns into a pity party, let’s look in the mirror for a moment. Chances are you’ve done the same to someone else. I know I have. 

The problem is we play games with our apologies–five games to be exact. In her book, The Art of Mentoring, Shirley Peddy describes these meaningless games that turn into meaningless apologies:

1. The Legal Game - This game involves transferring blame to the other party. Peddy says the legal game sounds like this: “I’m sorry that you took what I said the wrong way.” This tactic suggests that the person we offended has the problem, not us. I’m pretty sure I recall a few politicians and public figures using this line.

2. The Journalistic Approach - This strategy attributes every detail of the situation to an unnamed source. The Journalistic approach sounds like this: “I was told you had handled this. That’s why I reacted so strongly.”  My reaction is under my control, nobody else’s. It’s a choice.

3. The Scientific Apology - This approach pulls the situation under a microscope where every detail is agonized over. Here’s how Peddy describes it: “Did A lead to B? Was there a scientific cause behind it? You say, ‘I did X because you did Y. Perhaps if you had done Z…’ Get my drift?”

4. The Theatrical Apology - This apology is high on drama. Here’s how Peddy articulates it: “Oh, I can’t believe I could have done something so awful. You wouldn’t believe what was going on here. I mean, it’s a zoo! Can you ever forgive me?” There’s no need for the drama in an apology. It’s nothing more than an attempt to justify our behavior.

5. The Political Apology - The final meaningless apology is political in nature….as if something happened but nobody was there. Peddy says the political apology sounds like this: “We regret a mistake was made by someone. Of course, since we had no control of the situation, we can’t assume responsibility for the event.” Ever heard a large company make an apology like this that was broadcast by the media for the world to hear. It lacks heart, sincerity, and avoids any responsibility. 

So what’s the appropriate way to apologize? Consider the Gracious Apology. The gracious apology takes full responsibility without twisting things, creating a bunch of drama, or shifting the blame. Peddy asserts that a gracious apology means that we fully admit our mistake, give opportunity for the other party to respond, empathize with their feelings, offer to correct the situation, and follow the apology with action steps. 

Questions: What other “apology tactics” have you seen people use? What else can a leader do to make a gracious apology? Who do you need to apologize to? 
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