Archives For Questions

3 Phrases to Use in Coaching Conversations

October 31, 2012 — Leave a comment

Good coaching is significantly shaped by your ability to ask good questions. Because coaching is more about “drawing out” than “pouring in”, it is essential that you leverage question-asking to mine for the gold inside of your team members. Jesus was a master at coaching with questions.

Obviously the questions you ask vary based on the situation, as well as the responses, you are given. However, questions are not the only ingredient in a coach’s arsenal. “Coaching Phrases” are equally important. Here are three that I find particularly helpful:

1. “Unpack That For Me” - This is one of my favorite phrases. When I’m talking with a team member, I’ll often use this phrase after they’ve shared an idea, observation, or struggle. This is a great phrase to use when the suitcase has been unlocked and you need to open it to see what’s inside. It’s a permission-giving statement that allows you to hear what the person you’re coaching is really feeling or thinking. “Unpack that for me” often provides the backstory behind the situation at hand.

2. “Help Me Understand” - This is a good statement to use when you’re trying to understand the logic behind a team member’s ideas, thoughts, or actions. I’ve found it helpful in two situations: gaining clarity and giving correction. First, “Help me understand” brings clarity to “What” situations. It helps you better understand what a person means or what they intend to do. Second, “Help me understand” introduces the need for correction in “Why” situations. Rather than saying, “Why on earth did you ____________.” A better approach is to say, “Help me understand your thoughts behind why you did ___________.” It gives the person being coached the opportunity to share their reasoning before you provide any necessary correction.

3. “Tell Me Your Options” - This is a good phrase to use after listening to a situation in need of a solution. Rather than being the answer man, use the “Tell me your options” phrase to get people to think for themselves. That’s what good coaches do. Plus, it helps the person being coached own their problems and, just as importantly, own their solutions. You might even follow up the “Tell me your options” phrase with a “What else?” question. This helps them drill down on their options and not settle for the easiest answer.

Question: What other “coaching phrases” have you found helpful?

 

In Leadership Coaching, leadership development, Mentoring, Questions
permalink

Dealing with Your Unconscious Incompetence

April 24, 2012 — 2 Comments

Author and leadership consultant Dr. Sam Chand observes in his book, Cracking Your Church’s Culture Code:

“People have an almost limitless capacity for self-deception. We don’t know what we don’t know and are therefore unconsciously incompetent. If we were aware of our deficits, we’d ask questions and find solutions, but because we’re not aware, we stay stuck in the status quo until something shakes us awake” (p. 41).

There’s an element of not knowing what we don’t know that sounds crippling, almost even hopeless. If you don’t know that you don’t know something, where do you even start? There’s obviously not a fool-proof answer to this question. In fact, the answer to your “how do I know what I don’t know” question isn’t what you don’t know. Confused?

There are thousands of “I don’t know what I don’t know’s” out there that I will never know. And I can’t frantically search for the answers I don’t even know that I need. Instead, the only way to deal with our unconscious incompetence is to cultivate a set of ingredients that make it easier, and more likely, to discover what I don’t know. What are those ingredients? I suggest five:

Continue Reading…

In Leadership, Personal Growth Assumptions, Competence, Humility, Leadership, Questions, Wisdom
permalink

7 Types of Questions to Ask During an Interview

February 15, 2012 — Leave a comment

Every church comes to that important moment in their growth where they begin hiring staff. When a church is small, a bad hire can severely handicap your ministry. But regardless of your church’s size, you never want to make a bad hire, which, honestly, is nearly impossible to completely avoid. No matter how many layers there are in your hiring process, and no matter how many assessments you do, there’s always a gamble when hiring new staff.

In a previous post I shared 8 Ideas for Creating an Effective Hiring Process. Today, I’d like to share seven types of questions to ask when conducting an interview.

1. History Questions - These questions address education, work history and responsibilities, why they are leaving their current place of employment, what they found most fulfilling and demotivating in their work history, and general information about the candidate. It’s like a “get to know you” aspect of interviewing.

2. Spiritual Journey & Personal Growth Questions - These questions explore the candidates spiritual journey, when and how they came to Christ, significant highlights in their spiritual journey, understanding how their beliefs resonate with your church (and denomination), whether or not they’ve ever been involved in a church split, and gauging their commitment to personal and professional growth.

3. Character Questions - Character is obviously a non-negotiable when hiring staff. Character questions address integrity, greatest character strengths and weaknesses, how the candidate has handled past moral or ethical dilemmas, and whether or not the candidate has ever been involved in adultery, theft, child abuse, pornography, etc.

4. Chemistry, Values, and Philosophy Questions - This is one of the most difficult aspects to evaluate in a candidate. Honestly, the more time you can spend interacting with them  the better you’ll be able to assess their fit. Do a personality assessment and an emotional intelligence assessment. Furthermore, there should be opportunity to see them interact with your team face to face. Ask them questions about their core values as well as if there’s a particular model of ministry that they resonate with most (purpose-driven, emergent, seeker-sensitive, multi-site, cell church, traditional, missional, etc.). If your church operates by one model but they are passionate about a different model, they may find themselves frustrated in your system. Furthermore, two good question to ask are:

  • What are two ways I would find challenging in leading you?
  • What would other people who have worked with you say about you (boos, peers, direct reports)?

Continue Reading…

In Church, Leadership, Organizations Hiring, Interviewing, Questions, staffing
permalink

Jesus on Coaching with Questions

January 23, 2012 — 1 Comment

Coaching is a powerful tool that helps leaders grow personally and professionally. Whereas mentoring is more about “pouring in” to a person, coaching is about “drawing out” what’s hidden deep inside of them. Coaches understand that the greatest skill in their coaching arsenal is question-asking. If they ask the right questions, they can help a client surface the solutions to some of their toughest issues.

Apparently Jesus understood this better than anyone. Author Ravi Zacharias observes that nine times out of ten, when Jesus is asked a question, He responds with a question. And author John Dear observes that in the Gospels, there are over 300 questions recorded by Jesus…307 to be exact.

So if you want to excel as a coach, stop just handing out answers to everyone’s questions. Starting asking questions that force people to think, reflect, and respond. The solutions people own the most are the ones they come up with. Your questions can help them come up with the best solutions to their biggest challenges.

Question: What are the best coaching questions you can ask?

In Leadership, Personal Growth Coaching, Questions
permalink

Are You Known for “Serving” or “Being Served?”

January 22, 2012 — Leave a comment

Over the weekend I had the opportunity to sit with a group of leaders where we discussed servanthood, question asking, and communication. Our guest was Todd Sinelli, author of One Simple Word. Todd made a statement in his presentation that challenged me (or perhaps I should say “convicted me”):

“When people think of you, do they think of someone who likes to serve or someone who wants to be served?”

This is such a simple yet profound statement. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rat race of productivity that we forget to serve the people who make so much of our achievement possible in the first place. Todd noted that Jesus’ most frequently asked question is, “What can I do for you?” (Matthew 20:32, Mark 10:36, 51, Luke 18:41). As leaders, our default is often to ask what others can do for us. But when we follow Jesus’ model–”What can I do for you?”– we exhibit the true heart of a servant.

I know it’s impossible to meet every need. I also know that leaders are pulled in every direction and that it’s humanly impossible to stop and answer every request for help. But if we’re not careful, we’ll become known for “being served” rather than serving others.

So what does serving look like for leaders? Max Depree once said, “The leader is the servant who removes the obstacles that prevent people from doing their jobs.”  What are the obstacles that you could help remove that would allow your teams and volunteers to experience greater satisfaction and fulfillment? And is there a person you could serve that can do nothing for you in return?

 

In Leadership Questions, servant-leadership, Serving
permalink

"People Don’t Buy What You Do, They Buy Why You Do It"

May 16, 2010 — Leave a comment

Check out this powerful TED talk from Simon Sinek on the importance of starting with “WHY.”  This talk is loaded with fantastic insight.  It would make a great discussion with your team and help you think way beyond “what” you do and “how” you do it.  Here’s two great thoughts from the presentation:


1.  ”People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.”  Watch more to understand how the most innovative companies start with “why”…and why it matters.


2.  ”There are leaders and those who lead.”  Check out the video to discover which one you are?


 

In Leadership, Organizations Innovation, Leadership, Organizations, Questions, Strategy
permalink

Viewing Your Growth with a Future-Focused Question

March 14, 2010 — Leave a comment

When I look at my personal growth journey, it’s really easy to consider it from where I am today…this very moment.  For example, one of my personal growth goals this year is in the area of writing.  I’ve set my goal, mapped out a plan to reach it, and I’ve started moving forward.  That’s how we look at most of our growth–here’s where I’m at, here’s where I want to go, now let’s get started.  
  
Authors Dan Sullivan and Catherine Nomura suggest another approach. They encourage us to ask ourselves:  

“If  I were sitting here three years from today, looking back on today, what would have to have happened in that time for me to be happy with my progress?”

This is a future-focused question.  In their book, The Laws of Lifetime Growth, Sullivan and Nomura call it “The R-Factor Question [from their Strategic Coach Program], where R stands for relationship.  In this case, it’s helping you to establish your relationship with your own bigger future.”

So how would you answer the question?  Even if you change the time frame–3 years, 1 year, 6 months–the future-focused question provides valuable perspective on your personal growth.

In Personal Growth Personal Growth, Questions
permalink

Always Make Your Questions Bigger Than Your Answers

August 26, 2009 — Leave a comment

In their book, The Laws of Lifetime Growth, Dan Sullivan and Catherine Nomura outline ten laws that dramatically shape personal growth. One of those laws states: Always Make Your Questions Bigger Than Your Answers. Sullivan and Nomura write:

Questions are essential for lifetime growth. As children, when we’re all growing at a rapid rate, we ask lots of questions. As we get older, we gradually begin to think we have a lot of the answers. For some people, their entire sense of security and self-image depends on having all the answers–on never being wrong. As a result, these people try to understand everything in terms of what they know. But all growth lies in the territory of the unknown. What we already know is in the past. What we have yet to discover is the future. Always make your questions bigger than your answers, and you’ll keep drawing yourself into a bigger future with new possibilities.

Pretty straight forward! Are you venturing into the unknown? Are your questions bigger than your answers?
In Personal Growth Future, Personal Growth, Questions
permalink

Six Questions to Ask When Working with Interns

July 28, 2009 — Leave a comment

If you’ve ever had the opportunity to intern with a church or organization, you understand that many internships are heavy on the grunt work and light on the growth work. So if you have an intern working with you, or you hope to find an intern soon, let me challenge you to ask six important questions:


1. Do I Understand My Intern’s Strengths and Passions? Interns are typically young–often college students–who are still coming to grips with their identity, strengths, weaknesses, and talents. One of the best things you can do for an intern is to help them discover their strengths and passions. By having them take a series of assessments (spiritual gifts, strengthsfinder, personality, etc.) you’ll help your intern gain valuable insight into how God has wired them and better understand how they can add the greatest value to the organization.

2. Does my Intern’s “To Do List” Go Beyond the Mundane? Interns understand that a certain amount of their work will be relatively mundane–copying, filing, running errands, etc. But as the leader, your job is to insure your intern has some opportunities that require skill greater than that of a 6th grader. Mundane tasks equate to nothing more than boredom. But an intern can handle episodes of boredom so long as other responsibilities in their job description tap their creativity, passion, and skills.

3. Who Does My Intern Interact With? Interns love the opportunity to interact with other leaders. The problem is, most interns don’t get those opportunities unless we open the door for them. I like to invite interns into meetings with key leaders so they can better understand how leaders think, the kinds of questions they ask, how to lead a meeting, and how to work with teams.

4. What Am I Doing to Expand my Intern’s Experience? The key to answering this question is to understand your intern’s dreams for the future. If you know their dreams, you’ll be able to identify a handful of crucial experiences and skills your intern will need in order to reach those dreams. Then you can build those experiences into the internship followed by “debrief” meetings that will help your intern assimilate what they have learned.

5. Which Organizational Role Does my Intern Own? This is where your intern can gain the greatest experience and test their leadership skills. Every intern needs to own a project or lead a group of people. If they do not have a project that rests on their shoulders or a team they are responsible to lead, they will not develop skills essential to their long-term success.

6. Am I Investing Regularly in My Intern’s Personal Growth? I have discovered that a one-hour weekly coaching appointment with an intern can be the most valuable hour in that intern’s week. Read a book together. Ask your intern what they want to learn and work together to craft a developmental plan. Help them develop a skill, discover their life purpose, and embrace a habit of personal growth planning. Internships are not just about what the intern can do for you, but equally important, how you can invest in their growth. In addition to weekly coaching, I’ve often bought books for an intern, shared valuable leadership lessons, or taken an intern with me to a leadership conference.

Questions: Which of the six questions above can you answer positively? Which one(s) do you need to work on? If you were an intern, what would you want your leader to do for you?
In Leadership Coaching, Internships, leadership development, Mentoring, Questions
permalink

Coaching: Taking A.I.M. at Potential

May 5, 2009 — 1 Comment

The idea of coaching has gained momentum for several years.  As ministry and organizational life become increasingly complex, more leaders are turning to coaching as a key to accelerate their performance.  However, leaders often let the coaching end with themselves.  I would challenge you to begin investing intentionally in emerging leaders around you, helping them grow to their full potential.  So what exactly does a coach do?  Great coaches take A.I.M. at Potential–they provide Assessment, Insight, and Motivation.

Assessment – Coaching begins when an individual’s performance, character, skills, strengths, and weaknesses are adequately assessed.  You cannot effectively coach someone if you do not understand their current reality.  And you cannot help a person reach their potential if you do not understand their capacity in key areas of life.  By asking thoughtful questions, administering strengths assessments, and/or watching performance, you will quickly glean the information necessary to accurately assess an individual’s strengths and gaps. 

Insight – Following an accurate assessment, coaches provide valuable insights that will help a leader grow, improve, and accelerate.  This process can take place three ways.  First, the coach asks good questions–this is typically the best coaching tool.  Most people will come to the right conclusions about growth steps when a coach asks the right questions.  Second, coaches provide perspective.  As a person is coached they will share ideas, strategies, and practices they believe they should pursue.  As a coach, your job is to help leaders process these ideas, serve as a sounding board, and provide perspective.  Third, coaches offer insights that serves as the missing ingredient to success.  Coaches must be careful not to prematurely jump into “answer mode.”  Asking questions and providing perspective should be pursued first so the individual can learn to think for themselves and identify solutions best for their context.  However, there are times when a leader hits a sticking point and the coach needs to offer ideas and best practices.  This is especially true in formal coaching relationships that revolve around professional matters where the individual is seeking specialized expertise.

Motivation – Finally, a good coach serves as a motivator–someone on the sidelines cheering on the individual as they implement new ideas and pursue growth in essential areas of life.  Coaches that cannot encourage people will never inspire them to keep going when things get tough.  Great coaches balance the right amount of motivation with appropriate accountability–they encourage the people they coach without endorsing excuses.  

I’ll say it again, great coaches take A.I.M. at potential.  They provide Assessment, Insight, and Motivation.  It’s really not all that difficult when you think about it.  All of us have helped people gain perspective on their strengths and weaknesses (ASSESSMENT), asked questions and offered valuable thoughts and ideas (INSIGHT), and come alongside to encourage them in the journey (MOTIVATION).  So who are you coaching today?

In Leadership, Personal Growth Coaching, Mentoring, Potential, Questions
permalink