Leadership is painful. Difficult decisions can produce hurt feelings, and those hurt feelings can turn into ruthless accusations, agendas, and assaults on the leader in charge. The pain can be so great that leaders are tempted to back down from the vision God has called them to pursue. As author and leadership consultant Sam Chand wisely noted:
“When you interpret your pain as bigger—more important, more threatening, more comprehensive—than your vision, you’ll redefine your vision down to the threshold of your pain.”
That’s a dangerous place to be. When pain hijacks the vision, the tail is suddenly wagging the dog. During these seasons, leaders not only have to protect the vision, they have to protect their hearts. Bitterness, jadedness, and unforgiveness can quickly set in. That’s why the next part of The Lord’s Prayer is so crucial.
Over my last several posts we’ve taken a journey through what it means to lead through prayer, using the Lord’s Prayer to guide us. From Jesus’ words we’ve discovered how not to pray, how prayer is relational not transactional, what it means to pray the bravest prayer, and how to pray dependently, regularly, and specifically. Today we turn to verse twelve:
“and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. (Matthew 6:12)
Those first five words deal with the ugliness of our own sin. Jesus understood sin’s ugliness because He came to pay the very debt caused by it. The word “sin” is an archery term that means “to miss the mark.” When we sin, we miss the mark of God’s standard of righteousness. No matter how good we are, none of us is that good. That’s why the apostle Paul said, “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard” (Romans 3:23). And with that sin comes a pretty stiff penalty. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death…” Thankfully, Paul didn’t end with those words. He went on to say, “but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Receiving the free gift of God through Christ is where forgiveness is found, and through our journey with God we will seek grace and forgiveness time and time again. The writer of Hebrews warned us against being “deceived by sin and hardened against God” (Hebrews 3:12-14). Sin is deceptive, and when we buy its lie our hearts grow hard. The heart-softening antidote is, “God, forgive us our sins.”
As a leader, your sins can have a ripple effect with the people you lead. Perhaps you’ve said something to a fellow team member that lacked respect. Maybe you didn’t treat a customer as you should, or lost your cool during a staff meeting. The question is, did you own it? The only sin that can be forgiven is the sin that is confessed.
This brings us to the next part of Jesus’ prayer…the part that’s especially hard for us to swallow. Jesus said to pray, “…forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.”
What was Jesus saying? The same grace and forgiveness that God extended when you sinned against Him…extend to the one who has sinned against you. In fact, Jesus took this so seriously, that the first words He spoke after this prayer were…
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).
“Seriously?” you ask. “Do you know what that person did to me? I’ve tried so hard to lead them, and they only stabbed me in the back. They don’t deserve my forgiveness.”
I’m not trying to diminish the injustice done to you; I’m trying to diminish the pain that still remains inside of you. I’m sure you feel the right to be angry, outraged, and offended. But when you rehearse your offense, you let the offender live rent free in your head.
Life and leadership are too demanding to let somebody else have that much control in your life. As John Maxwell observes, “The weaker person usually controls the relationship.” Don’t let someone else’s response to you become the prison you live inside. When you refuse to forgive, you are the only one who suffers.
So, how do you deal with the offenses you experience in leadership? How do you forgive the person who hurt you, especially when you’ve invested so much in them? In his letter to the church in Ephesus, the apostle Paul said:
“Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
The key to granting forgiveness is to remember how much God forgave you. According to Paul, God’s forgiveness has two characteristics: It’s quick and it’s thorough. If you’re going to find freedom, you’re going to have to choose to forgive the one who has hurt you, in the same way Jesus forgave you. Author and Pastor Andy Stanley said, “In the shadow of my hurt, forgiveness feels like a decision to reward my enemy. But in the shadow of the cross, forgiveness is merely a gift from one undeserving soul to another.”
[bctt tweet=”The key to granting forgiveness is to remember how much God forgave you.” username=”stephenblandino”]
It’s possible that the shoe is on the other foot—maybe you hurt somebody you lead. For you, forgiveness is also a choice. It’s a choice to be a humble and mature leader by seeking out their forgiveness. While the key to granting forgiveness is to remember how much God forgave you, the key to seeking forgiveness is to put the person before your pride. In leadership, you have to value the relationship more than insisting you’re right.
[bctt tweet=”The key to seeking forgiveness is to put the person before your pride.” username=”stephenblandino”]
What would happen if each day you prayed, “forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.” How would that change your life? How would that change your leadership? How would that change the culture of your organization?
Forgiving others can be difficult, but it’s not near as difficult as exercising leadership from inside a prison made of bitterness. Keeping your heart soft before God and toward people is essential if you’re going to survive, much less thrive, in your leadership journey. It starts with a daily practice of receiving and extending God’s forgiveness.
