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In today’s episode of the Leader Fluent Podcast, I’m talking about “Leading When You Feel Like a Failure.”The last two years have been the most difficult years to lead through for millions of leaders, and if we’re honest, we’ve all had moments in this season where we’ve felt like a failure. The question is, how do we lead in those moments. That’s what we’re dealing with in today’s episode.
Plus, if you haven’t picked up my new book, Stop Chasing Easy, I’d like to encourage you to get your copy today. It’s available in print and ebook formats, and when you purchase a copy, you’ll also gain access to several FREE BONUS RESOURCES including the “Stop Chasing Easy Masterclass for Leaders.”
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SHOW NOTES:
Every leader has moments and seasons when they feel like a failure. It might be after an event that didn’t go as planned. It might be after a speech that fell flat. It might be during an extended season of decline, or maybe after a major rift in your organization.
Regardless of the area, I’m guessing at some point in recent weeks, months, or years, you’ve experienced “down and to the left” instead of “up and to the right.” So, what do you do in these moments? When you feel like a failure—even if only for a moment—how do you lead? Consider these five keys.
1. Remember Your Identity
It’s very easy—especially in leadership—to attach our identity to our performance and to our growth. The problem is, if we’re not careful, we’ll assume that God uses that same standard—that same measure—to evaluate us.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been studying God’s love in Scripture, which has been a pretty amazing journey. The most common description of God’s love in the Bible is the phrase, “unfailing love.” For example, Psalm 36:7 says, “How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” And Psalm 52:8 says, “But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.”
Here’s the good news: God’s love does not fail, even when we do. His love doesn’t fall short, break, or run dry. It is an everlasting love that stretches from generation to generation. And, as difficult as it is to believe, our performance has nothing to do with how much God loves us.
In fact, consider Jesus, for example. Luke 3:21-22 says, “When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”
Notice, the Father declared His love for the Son before Jesus every performed a single miracle. In other words, the Father’s love wasn’t based on Jesus’ performance. His love wasn’t dependent on whether or not Jesus had a big crowd or a fruitful day of ministry. The Father loved Jesus, and was pleased with Jesus, before his ministry ever began. The same is true for you and for me. Our identity must be firmly rooted in the unwavering love of God. So, remember, even when you feel like a failure, your failure doesn’t define you. Jesus’ love does.
2. Reframe Your Perspective
Dr. Bobby Clinton has observed that the difference between followers and leaders is perspective. And the difference between leaders and better leaders is greater perspective. In other words, how we see life will determine how we respond to life. And how we see our leadership challenges will determine how we respond to those leadership challenges.
Elisabeth Elliot once said, “If you believe in a God who controls the big things, you have to believe in a God who controls the little things. It is we, of course, to whom things look ‘little’ or ‘big’.” So, when we face “big” or “small”, or “easy” or “hard,” we have to reframe those things with a perspective that nothing is too difficult for God. Only then will we respond properly to our hardships and our failures.
3. Redefine Your Measures of Success
When drastic changes occur in our environment, it often requires us to redefine success. I think we’ve all had to come to grips with this during COVID. COVID thrust us into an unpredictable environment that turned many of our measures upside down.
So, how do we redefine measures of success? One way is to start tracking “lead measures” not just “lag measures.”
The Franklin Covey organization observes that when it comes to lag measures, “They are called lags because by the time you see them, the performance that drove them has already passed. You can’t do anything to fix them; they are history.” But Lead measures, on the other hand, “track the critical activities that drive or lead to the lag measure.”
So, for example, if you have a goal to lose 20 pounds, when you stand on the scale, you’ll see your lag measure. No matter what that measure says when you stand on the scale, there’s nothing in that moment you can do to change that measure. It’s history.
But what you can do is control the lead measures. For example, you can start counting calories. You can start working out several days a week. Those are activities you can control which will eventually LEAD to a different LAG measure.
4. Reflect and Relearn
Sometimes we can feel like a failure because something we tried actually failed. Those moments—as hard as they can be—are actually opportunities to reflect on what has happened and then make a conscious decision to learn from it. In fact, one of the biggest keys for a leader’s long-term growth is to embrace a willingness to learn, unlearn, and relearn.
Learning gets you started in life. It helps you become successful. But somewhere along the way, the things you’ve learned can actually get in the way. In other words, they can become your ceiling. In those moments, you might have to unlearn a strategy or method that once worked but has now become a barrier to growth and progress.
When you feel like a failure, take an hour or two to pull back, reflect on your situation, and determine if there’s something you need to unlearn and then relearn. That’s when you’ll discover the gold hidden in your failure.
5. Reimagine What Could Be
One of the concerns I have is that after more than two years of being in a pandemic, so many leaders have stopped dreaming. Their imagination has been so clouded by what has been, that they’ve haven’t reimagined what could be.
What was doesn’t have to define what will be. In other words, yesterday’s failure doesn’t have to dictate the future. So, if that’s where you find yourself today, let me give you an exercise that might help you.
Imagine that you never worked where you work right now—whether it’s a church, business, or organization. Then, imagine that same church, business, or organization interviews you for a job, and then offers you the job. Now, imagine your excitement. You go home and tell your spouse, or your friends, or your neighbor and you can’t wait until you start.
Between the day you were offered the job and your first day on the job, what are you doing? You’re dreaming about everything you’re going to do at that job. You’re dreaming about the difference you’re going to make in that organization. Why? Because you have no past in that job to hold you back. You have a clean slate. You have a fresh start. In other words, you have a dreamer’s mindset.
Here’s my point: You might need to mentally resign from your job, then rehire yourself, and then walk into the office Monday morning with a dreamer’s mindset. That might sound strange, but think about it like this.
During the great resignation, millions of people have left their jobs for a wide variety of reasons. But some people who had been in the organization for several years left because what they lost made it too painful to stay. In other words, almost overnight, they watched years and years of progress evaporate, and the thought of spending years to rebuild just to get back to where they were was simply too painful. Instead, they went somewhere else where they had no history to remind them of what they lost. As a result, they were able to start with a clean slate and dream again.
So, here’s my challenge to you: If you feel like you’re failing, don’t quit. Instead, rehire yourself, and start Monday morning with a dreamer’s mindset. In fact, you might need to start your first day on the job with a personal retreat where you reimagine what could be. It’s time to dream again. It’s time to reimagine the future.
You’re not a failure, even when your feelings tell you otherwise. Instead, you are loved, and God will give you the strength and grace to lead through difficult seasons.
CHECK OUT MY NEW BOOK & FREE BONUSES
Check out my new book, Stop Chasing Easy, and access the FREE bonus content. You can learn more about the book, purchase a copy, and then claim the bonus content HERE.
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