For over ten years Karen and I have led small groups in our home. We’ve walked with friends when storms rolled into their lives. Whether it was a job loss, doctor’s diagnosis, relational conflict, or any number of disruptions, our community was there to encourage, pray, and support. But we never thought we’d have to be on the receiving end.
When I unexpectedly found myself in the hospital earlier this year [you can read my story here], we never knew what kind of difference our community of family and friends would make in our lives. Through this journey we discovered a powerful truth: You must cultivate community before, during, and after the storm.
Perhaps you don’t see the need for community. Maybe life is good, and you simply don’t see the value in authentic relationships where you can belong and become. You might even be scared at what community will cost you.
But today I want you to know that community is worth every deposit of time, energy, and emotion. You may not need to make a withdrawal today, but one day, you will. And when that day comes, the question’s going to be answered: has your community account been building interest all this time, or did you never even open it?”
To experience community, we must be intentional about it. Community doesn’t just happen. It takes time and effort on our part to build close, supportive friendships. So what does it look like to cultivate community? It plays out in three ways:
1. Invest in Community Before the Storm
In the Old Testament, King Solomon makes a powerful case for the value of doing life together. He writes:
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NLT)
Each one of us will walk through seasons in life where we “fall.” The fall might show up in our relationships, our finances, our health, our work, or any number of areas. Yet as bad as that fall is, Solomon says there’s something even worse: falling alone.
When I was in the hospital, my friends Shawn and Michelle came to visit me. Upon their visit, they were emotionally shaken by my condition. I had tubes and wires connected to my head, neck, chest, and mouth. I was sedated and intubated, unaware of who was even in my room. And then I had a coughing fit.
My lungs were compromised by the fluid that collected on my lungs when my heart’s Mitral valve suddenly ruptured. My hands were fastened to the side of the bed so that I wouldn’t pull out the tubes or wires. Needless to say, I didn’t look my best.
After leaving my room, Shawn met another friend in the waiting room. Then he broke. At that stage my situation was rather dire. The doctors had said I was between a rock and a hard place..simultaneously experiencing heart failure and pulmonary failure. Reflecting back on those dark hours, Shawn said something to me that I’ll never forget:
“Having the right people, in the right place, at the right time made the difference.”
When he said that, I thought, “Wow! What a great picture of community.” But the only way you can have the right people, in the right place, at the right time, is if you invest in community before the storm hits. Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson captured it well: “You need to invest in community today, so you can reap the benefits during tomorrow’s seasons of deprivation and loss. As followers of Jesus, we belong in community with other Christians. The apostle Paul described it like this:
“Now you are no longer strangers to God and foreigners to heaven, but you are members of God’s very own family, citizens of God’s country, and you belong in God’s household with every other Christian” (Ephesians 2:19, TLB).
Perhaps you’re a bit hesitant to embrace Paul’s words. Or maybe you’re downright resistant because of the pain other Christians have caused you. Some people even go as far as to say, “I love Jesus, but I hate the church.”
But there’s a problem with statements like that. Scripture describes Jesus as the “head” and the church as the “body.” How can you love the head but hate the body. Scripture further describes Jesus as the “groom” and the church as the “bride.” How can you love the groom but hate the bride. Rick Warren observed that would be like saying, “I love you but I hate your wife.” Here’s what you’ve got to remember:
[callout]Pain caused by the body of Christ is not a license to cut off the body of Christ.[/callout]
Still not sure? Consider King Solomon’s words: “Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces” (Proverbs 13:20, MSG). Sometimes “unexpected” shows up because we’ve surrounded ourselves with the wrong friends. You need friends to comfort you in the unexpected, not be the cause of the unexpected. This is crucial because your friends determine the direction and speed of your life. Take time to invest in community before the storm hits by cultivating friendships with people who make you better.
2. Lean on Community During the Storm
The apostle Paul experienced countless unexpected difficulties in life. He faced hardship, beatings, riots, attacks, rejection, shipwrecks, robbery, and near death experiences. As bad as these pains were, there was one pain that was the worst of them all: verbal abuse and disloyalty.
Paul had spent nearly two years of his life serving the church in the City of Corinth. And how did the church repay him for all of the time he had spent with them? They turned on him. False teachers came into the church and began attacking Paul’s character and reputation. They started spreading lies about Paul and his ministry. It became so bad that many people in the church believed these false teachers, and then joined them in spreading the lies.
Have you ever been there before? You’ve done your best to serve your company faithfully and loyally. You’ve led by example with upstanding character. And then a co-worker comes along and tries to destroy you. They start spreading rumors about you and it feels like the entire office turns on you.
Or maybe it’s your extended family. You’ve done your best to be the peace maker in your family and then they turn on you. You’ve sown seeds of peace only to reap a harvest of pain. You’ve sown seeds of integrity and then reaped a harvest of insults.
That was Paul. He had invested two years of his life teaching, strengthening, and encouraging the church. And now they’ve turned on him….and it’s eating Paul alive. Here’s how Paul describes it:
“When we arrived in Macedonia, there was no rest for us. We faced conflict from every direction, with battles on the outside and fear on the inside.” (2 Corinthians 7:5, NLT)
The battle on the outside was all of the persecution Paul faced. But the fear on the inside was the anxiety Paul experienced over the relational strain with the church in Corinth. But then something happens that begins to restore Paul’s hope.
“But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus. His presence was a joy, but so was the news he brought of the encouragement he received from you. When he told us how much you long to see me, and how sorry you are for what happened, and how loyal you are to me, I was filled with joy!” (2 Corinthians 7:6-7)
How did Paul make it through this particular storm? He had a friend to encourage him. Just when he thought he couldn’t make it any longer – just when the depression felt like it was going to overtake him – his friend Titus arrives with good news. And therein lies an important truth.
[callout]The presence of a friend has the power to disrupt the presence of our fears.[/callout]
Nobody likes to walk through the dark alone. But when you have a friend, the dark feels just a little less dark. That was true for me and Karen.
When my heart and lungs failed, we were simply overwhelmed by the extraordinary expressions of love. Karen counted 67 people in the waiting room during those first couple of days in the hospital. At one point, ten people were standing in my ICU room (which of course I was oblivious to). The nurses had to put their foot down and insist the number of visitors be reduced.
When things were at there worst, Karen turned to a pastor friend in the waiting room and said, “I think we’ll need someone to cover the pulpit for a couple of weeks.” A couple of weeks turned into six… including Easter Sunday.
Our associate pastor, Klen and Audrey Kuruvilla, took the lead at 7 City Church. They were like a rock, loyal and devoted, as I recovered. Klen wrote in my journal words of encouragement, and then signed it, “Holding your arms” (Exodus 17:11–13). Truly he did.
I received cards, flowers, fruit arrangements, and more sugar cookies than I could eat (I love sugar cookies). After eight days in the hospital, I returned home. Friends brought meals for three weeks. A couple of friends decorated our living room for my birthday. Another friend mowed my lawn for several weeks. And people stopped by to visit, encourage, and pray for us.
I always thought I understood community before my surgery, but I can say that now I truly do. In this experience, the words Jesus spoke to his disciples suddenly found deep meaning in my soul.
“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” (John 13:34-35, MSG)
What’s my point? When the storms hit, lean on your community. Don’t try to do it alone. As awkward as it might feel, let others come along side of you in your deepest time of need.
3. Serve Community After the Storm
Paul received comfort and encouragement from his friend Titus, but he didn’t let the power of community end with himself. He recognized the importance of returning the favor to others in need. He writes:
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. (2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT)
When we find ourselves back on our feet, we have the responsibility to serve our community. We must give, serve, and love. Or as the Message paraphrase says it: “He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us” (2 Corinthians 1:4).
Is life going well for you? If so, take time now to invest in community. Has the unexpected suddenly disrupted your life? If so, lean on your community where you’ll find encouragement and support. Or has the storm in your life recently passed? If so, take time to serve others who are facing their own storms. Before, during, and after…there’s a role to play on every side of community.
