I first met Jonathan Holcomb when I was a youth pastor in Lexington, Kentucky. At the time he was in jr. high, only a few short years removed from the untimely death of his father. But something always struck me about Jonathan. He wasn’t bitter. He wasn’t angry. He didn’t blame God. In essence, Jonathan had one quality that defined his ability to successfully navigate the pain of his father’s unexpected death: He had perspective. Perspective is the ability to see what others can’t:
- It’s rising above the trees so that you can see the forest.
- It’s viewing life from 30,000 feet, rather than three feet.
- It’s seeing the big picture rather than focusing on every stroke of the brush.
But when your world is unexpectedly disrupted, it’s hard to not focus on each brush stroke. It’s hard to rise above the pain and see the big picture. So that raises a question: How do you gain perspective when the hardships of the unexpected pelt you like hailstones? Here are three essentials to consider.
1. Think About Pain Differently
In his second letter to the church in Corinth, the apostle Paul describes in detail the pain he unexpectedly encountered. I’ve already shared how Paul chose to Trust God in the Unexpected. In the following passage he gives a clear picture of just how tough his disruptions actually were:
“…I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again. Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not. I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm.” (2 Corinthians 11:23b-27, NLT)
That’s one long list of pain and disruption. But, Paul didn’t leave it there. He didn’t just share a “woe is me” list of unexpected pain. In the very next chapter, he writes about a handicap (or thorn in his flesh) that further disrupted his life. However, his words also reveal his perspective of his pain:
“…so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” (2 Corinthians 12:7b-10, MSG)
When you read those words, you might say, “Come on Paul. Really? You appreciate your hardships as a gift?” How could Paul have this kind of perspective? Perhaps it’s because he had wrestled to the ground this powerful truth:
[callout]”My unexpected pain can refine me or define me.”[/callout]
Paul came to the realization that the pain in his life could define him as a debilitating and permanent setback, OR, it could refine him into the person God wanted him to become. Pain is not option in life. What is optional is whether you let it define you or refine you. That’s the very truth that Corrie Ten Boom came to understand.
In his book, In a Pit with Lion on a Snowy Day, Mark Batterson shares the story of Corrie Ten Boom. Corrie was a Nazi concentration camp survivor. After surviving the camps, Corrie Ten Boom spoke to audiences about her horrific experiences. As she would speak, she always looked down… but not at her notes. She was working on a piece of needlepoint.
After sharing about the pain and anger of her experience, Corrie would hold up the needlepoint for her audience to see. First, she would show them the back of the needlepoint, a jumbled mess of threads, and say, “This is how we see our lives.” Then she would show the audience the design on the other side and conclude with these words: “This is how God views your life. And someday we will have the privilege of viewing it from His point of view.”
Corrie could have questioned why she had to suffer in Nazi concentration camps. It didn’t make sense. It was unfair. Instead, she gained perspective that enabled her to grow. She didn’t let her disruption disrupt her perspective. If you’re going to gain perspective on your pain, you’ve got to think about pain differently.
[callout]You must see every pain in your life is either a teacher or a master.[/callout]
If you let your pain serve you as a teacher, you’ll become who God wants you to become. But if you instead allow your pain to become your master, you’ll always be its slave. It will dictate your life and swallow your future without apology. Corrie Ten Boom chose to make pain her teacher, not her master. How? By thinking differently about her pain.
2. See God’s Character Correctly
When people walk through pain and disruption, I’ve noticed that there are two misinformed views people often take of God in the midst of the pain:
- A Helpless View of God – This view of God says: “God won’t help because God can’t help.” In other words, “My problems are bigger than God.” We see this view in Moses’ life when God instructs him to return to Egypt so that God’s people can be delivered out of slavery. Look at the interaction between Moses and God.
“’I am God. Tell Pharaoh king of Egypt everything I say to you.’ But Moses, full of fear and insecurity, shot right back, ‘Look at me. I stutter. Why would Pharaoh listen to me?’” (Exodus 6:29-30, MSG).
Have you ever felt that way? God prompts you to do something, and your immediate, default response is to remind God of all of the reasons why his idea is such a bad one? Shaking your head, you say, “Look at me!” You do your best to draw God’s attention to everything that’s wrong with you… your lack of talent, resources, skill, and good looks.
But I love God’s response to Moses. When Moses says, “Look at me…” God fires right back…
“God told Moses, ‘Look at me. I’ll make you as a god to Pharaoh and your brother Aaron will be your prophet. You are to speak everything I command you, and your brother Aaron will tell it to Pharaoh. Then he will release the Israelites from his land.'” (Exodus 7:1-2, MSG)
What is God doing in this story? He’s putting Moses’ perspective in order. Moses is saying, “Look at poor little me. Look at all of my inadequacies.” And God says, “No Moses! You look at me. Look at me in all of my glory and power that is far greater than your weakness and far more powerful than Pharaoh’s armies.” If you want to gain perspective, you’ve got to see God’s character correctly. He is not helpless. He is all powerful and all knowing. Stop making God smaller than your problems.
- A Heartless View of God – The heartless view of God says: “Even if God could change my problems, he wouldn’t, because he doesn’t care.” Whereas Moses took the “Helpless view of God,” the Israelites took the “Heartless view of God” when they were crying out for relief from their hard labor as slaves in Egypt. But notice God’s response to this overwhelming pain.
“Many years later the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their slavery and cried out. Their cries for relief from their hard labor ascended to God: “God LISTENED to their groanings. God REMEMBERED his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God SAW what was going on with Israel. God UNDERSTOOD.” (emphasis added, Exodus 2:23-25, MSG)
How does the God of the universe respond to your pain? He LISTENS to your cry. He REMEMBERS His promises to you. He SEES every detail of your problem. He UNDERSTANDS what you need in your darkest hour. God is not some cold, heartless deity. He is an emotional God. He’s your compassionate Heavenly Father. And when you view Him for who He really is, you’ll discover perspective to face your unexpected disruptions.
Whenever I had my open heart surgery, for whatever reason, I never asked God “Why?” I never asked God why my heart failed, why I had to have surgery, or why it had to be in such dramatic form with the compromised state of my lungs. And even though I had a check-up with my cardiologist just nine days earlier, I didn’t ask God why they couldn’t have detected something wrong at that time. I’m not a spiritual giant, but for some reason, “Why” wasn’t on my radar. What I did think about was God’s character.
One night while I was recovering at home, Karen and I were talking about the mechanical valve the doctors had installed in my heart. When the house is quiet, you can actually hear my heart valve working: Tick-tick-tick-tick. It sounds like a stopwatch embedded in my chest. As Karen and I were talking about my new valve, I could feel myself being overcome with emotion. And then I said to her, “Every tick is a reminder of God’s faithfulness.” It’s like a surgically implanted gratitude gauge, reminding me how good God is.
Every one of us needs a tick-tick-tick in our lives that reminds us of who God really is:
- When you’re facing a crisis, what’s the tick-tick-tick in your life that reminds you of the true character of God.
- When questions start racing through your mind what’s the tick-tick-tick that whispers, “Peace be still.”
- When uncertainty is your new best friend, what’s the tick-tick-tick that reminds you of God’s promises.
- When fear grips your mind, what’s the tick-tick-tick that reminds you, “God listens, remembers, sees, and understands?”
If you’re going to gain perspective to successfully navigate your pain, you’ve got to see the character of God correctly. You need a tick-tick-tick in your life that reminds you, despite the pain, God is indeed good. His character is trustworthy.
3. Live with Unanswered Questions Peacefully
This is perhaps the most difficult part of gaining perspective…especially when your pain simply makes no sense. In the Old Testament we read the story of a man named Job. Job was a wealthy man who literally lost everything — sheep, possessions, health, and his children — even though he was faithful to God. It was so bad, that he eventually asked God: “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?” (Job 3:11)
Yet, despite everything that happened to Job, what was said of him in the very first verse of his book remained true of him throughout his entire life:
“In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.” (Job 1:1, NIV)
Job didn’t get answers to his questions. But he also didn’t let let his questions rob him of his peace. Instead, he came to realize this important truth:
[callout]”Knowing God is better than having answers to all of your questions.”[/callout]
Whether you follow God, or reject Him, you will experience pain in your life. Whether you follow God, or reject Him, you will go to your grave with unanswered questions about your pain. The difference is whether or not you will go to your grave at peace or in angst. With God, you can find peace in the middle of your unanswered questions. Without Him, your unanswered questions will rob you of your peace and joy. Horatio Spafford is a perfect example of this truth.
Horatio was a successful Chicago Lawyer in the 1800s. He lived in a nice home with his wife Anna, their young son, and their four daughters. Life was good until one day their son died tragically. Then, in 1871, the Great Chicago Fire destroyed much of their real estate.
After struggling through these difficult disruptions, the family decided to head to England for a vacation, and to spend time with their friend Dwight L. Moody. Spafford sent his family ahead of him while he resolved some last minute business. Then the unthinkable occurred. The boat that his wife and daughters were on was in a collision and all four of their daughters drowned.
When Horatio received word of the accident, he left for England to meet Anna. During this horrific experience, he penned the words to the now famous hymn, “It is Well with My Soul.”
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Horatio found himself in a new reality filled with endless questions. But he refused to let those questions rob his peace. Instead, deep in his soul, he came to a place where he could say…”It is Well With My Soul.” And that kind of peace is only found in Christ.
To gain perspective, you have to choose to see what others can’t see so that you can be what others won’t be. Many people (perhaps most) let their circumstances permanently define them as a debilitating, hopeless setback. But when you choose to see what others can’t see, you set yourself up to become what so many others will never become. Why? Because too often people look for the easy road and simply stop growing. They lose perspective on their pain. Don’t let that happen. Instead:
- Think about pain differently
- See God’s character correctly
- Live with unanswered questions peacefully
That’s how we gain perspective. It’s not easy. It never is. But you’ll never successfully navigate the unexpected unless you’re willing to push through the pain with a new way of thinking, seeing, and living.
