Archives For Coaching

The Five Practices of Personal Growth

April 9, 2013 — 1 Comment

I can still remember reading John Maxwell’s early leadership book, Developing the Leader Within You, and thinking, “This is the best leadership book I’ve ever read.” Suddenly it occurred to me: “This is the only leadership book I’ve ever read.”

For years, personal growth wasn’t anywhere on my radar. I hated reading and throughout most of college, I only cracked half my textbooks (nothing like spending dad’s money to buy books you never read). Turns out, I wasn’t alone. Only 45% of Americans over the age of 13 read a book in the course of a year.

After graduating college with all the answers, it took me a couple of years to realize how little I actually knew. Eric Hoffer’s words described me well:

“In times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.”

I was well-prepared for irrelevance. That newfound humility forced me into a learning mode. In the years that followed—mostly out of necessity—I developed a habit of reading. But more importantly, I stumbled upon five practices of personal growth that transformed my life. The first three practices maximize growth within us and the last two practices leverage growth in the people we influence.

Practice #1: Growth TRACing – Creating, implementing, and monitoring your personal growth happens through the process of Growth TRACing (pronounced tracking). A Growth TRAC is like a personal growth plan that provides the framework and direction for your growth. It includes four ingredients: Target, Roadmap, Accountability, and Check-Ups.

Your Target is your personal growth goal—a carefully crafted statement that articulates in which area of life you want to grow. Your Roadmap includes the training, resources, coaching, and experiences you’ll leverage to reach your target (in other words, “how” you plan to grow). Accountability gives you the support to stay the course. And Check-Ups are the periodic evaluations where you measure progress and make midcourse corrections. Growth TRACing gives direction to your learning and ultimately produces growth traction.

Practice #2: Reflective Thinking – Reflective thinking is the habit of processing what you learn as you implement your Growth TRAC. It helps you mine for the gold in what you’re learning and typically requires three things: time, questions, and takeaways.

Setting aside think time is often perceived as a waste of time, yet it’s essential if you want to assimilate your learning into daily practice. This process begins by asking questions that help you make sense of what you’re learning. Your questions should then lead you to specific takeaways for application. While your Growth TRAC sets the course for your learning, reflective thinking helps you make that learning personal, applicable, and meaningful. Reflective thinking ultimately results in mental maturity.

Practice #3: Tenacious Application – The knowing/doing gap is the toughest to close but can actually happen when you put this “action equation” to work: Inner Resolve x Outer Support = Tenacious Application.

Inner resolve combines conviction and courage so you have the determination to act on what you’ve learned. Outer support is a combination of accountability and dependence. It taps ongoing accountability from others while being fully dependent on God for His strength. When you multiply inner resolve by outer support, the result is the tenacious application of the things you’re learning. Tenacious application helps you move from learning and thinking to actually doing. It ultimately results in personal transformation.

Continue Reading…

In Leadership, Personal Growth Application, Coaching, Empowering, Leadership, Mentoring, Personal Growth, Reflection, Thinking
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3 Phrases to Use in Coaching Conversations

October 31, 2012 — Leave a comment

Good coaching is significantly shaped by your ability to ask good questions. Because coaching is more about “drawing out” than “pouring in”, it is essential that you leverage question-asking to mine for the gold inside of your team members. Jesus was a master at coaching with questions.

Obviously the questions you ask vary based on the situation, as well as the responses, you are given. However, questions are not the only ingredient in a coach’s arsenal. “Coaching Phrases” are equally important. Here are three that I find particularly helpful:

1. “Unpack That For Me” - This is one of my favorite phrases. When I’m talking with a team member, I’ll often use this phrase after they’ve shared an idea, observation, or struggle. This is a great phrase to use when the suitcase has been unlocked and you need to open it to see what’s inside. It’s a permission-giving statement that allows you to hear what the person you’re coaching is really feeling or thinking. “Unpack that for me” often provides the backstory behind the situation at hand.

2. “Help Me Understand” - This is a good statement to use when you’re trying to understand the logic behind a team member’s ideas, thoughts, or actions. I’ve found it helpful in two situations: gaining clarity and giving correction. First, “Help me understand” brings clarity to “What” situations. It helps you better understand what a person means or what they intend to do. Second, “Help me understand” introduces the need for correction in “Why” situations. Rather than saying, “Why on earth did you ____________.” A better approach is to say, “Help me understand your thoughts behind why you did ___________.” It gives the person being coached the opportunity to share their reasoning before you provide any necessary correction.

3. “Tell Me Your Options” - This is a good phrase to use after listening to a situation in need of a solution. Rather than being the answer man, use the “Tell me your options” phrase to get people to think for themselves. That’s what good coaches do. Plus, it helps the person being coached own their problems and, just as importantly, own their solutions. You might even follow up the “Tell me your options” phrase with a “What else?” question. This helps them drill down on their options and not settle for the easiest answer.

Question: What other “coaching phrases” have you found helpful?

 

In Leadership Coaching, leadership development, Mentoring, Questions
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How to Inspire Growth in Others

September 14, 2012 — Leave a comment

One of the most powerful, yet most underestimated, ways to inspire growth in others is through equipping relationships. Equipping relationships are any kind of growth-focused relationship such as coaching, mentoring, discipling, or small groups. These relationships help people close their growth gaps by equipping them with the knowledge and skills they need to maximize their potential. In the same way that equipping relationships were likely an essential part of your personal growth, you can also be an equipper for others.

Take coaching for example. Before you completely check out and dismiss yourself as “non-coach material” let me explain.

A coach is someone who provides assessment, insight, and motivation.

Now think about those three things as they relate to one of your close friendships. Have you ever helped a friend gain perspective by asking them a few clarity-boosting questions—questions that helped them cut through the fog surrounding their situation and think more clearly? If so, you’ve provided assessment.

After listening and helping them gain some perspective, did you ask your friend a few more questions that helped them come up with a solution to their problem or even led to an “aha” moment in their life? If so, then you’ve stimulated insight. And when things got tough for your friend, did you come along side them with an encouraging word that affirmed your belief in them? If so, then you’ve provided motivation. Essentially, you took A.I.M. at their potential and carried out the three functions of a coach: Assessment, Insight, and Motivation.

So why couldn’t you do that same thing for people around you who want to grow and need your help? That doesn’t mean you’re the “expert” life coach with the answers to all of life’s problems. I like to coach people, but I’ll also readily admit in which areas I have no business coaching people. I have the greatest coaching equity in my areas of strength…and so do you. Look for two or three areas in your life where you have passion and where you’ve honed your skills and acquired valuable experience. Then ask yourself, “How can I use this mix of strengths as a springboard to equip—or invest in—somebody else?”

When you’re intentional about growing yourself and building trust with people, opportunities will emerge to equip others. It might be over lunch with a co-worker, in an annual review with an employee, in a small group with other Christ followers, or through a meaningful connection with your children. In a world where growth-focused encouragement is a rare commodity, most people are more than willing to receive some extra confidence-building support from somebody who cares.

As you gain experience, why not make the role of an equipper part of your own growth plan. Identify a book or two that will help you understand how to invest in people or equip them to succeed. You might even participate in a leadership workshop, or if you’re really aggressive, look for a coaching certification program. Then, as you ratchet up your skills, seek out more intensive equipping relationship. For example:

  • Employees – Meet once a month with a new employee to discuss sticking points, help them get adjusted, or to coach them in their new role.
  • Volunteers – Meet with a volunteer (in the church or community) to help them refine their skills, learn their role, or assume greater responsibility.
  • New Followers of Christ – Meet a new believer once a week for prayer, Bible study, and accountability.
  • Students – Mentor a student in a new skill or help a college senior put together a resume.
  • Small Groups – Form a small group and focus on personal growth in a shared area of interest.

Entrepreneur and author Regi Campbell took the opportunity seriously to inspire growth in others. As a young Christian, Regi and his wife volunteered to lead a singles ministry in their church. It grew rapidly, and before long Regi was consumed with meetings as he invested in single men who were looking for practical advice. Feeling exhausted and wearing himself ragged, Regi heard Tim Elmore, an author and speaker committed to investing in young leaders, make this statement: “More time with fewer people equals greater kingdom impact.” That phrase started a journey for Regi that culminated in what he calls Next Generation Mentoring.

Since 2000, Regi has strategically invited a group of eight young business executives to join him at his home for a mentoring experience. The group meets once per month for twelve months and is committed to reading books, sharing their takeaways, memorizing Scriptures, praying together, and holding one another accountable. His mentoring process isn’t rocket science. It’s simply a clear strategy Regi has developed to leverage his personal growth to impact younger leaders.

In 2009, Regi published his ideas in a book titled, Mentor Like Jesus. He records the names of each of his mentees in his book and then he makes this observation:

In the past eight years, I’ve intentionally mentored sixty-four guys. Most report that they have a deeper, more meaningful walk with Jesus than they did before the next generation mentoring experience. They are disciples…learners and followers of Jesus. To my knowledge none have fallen away. All are still married. All are involved in a church. All are attempting to raise their kids in the faith. And from what I can tell, they are, to varying degrees, walking with God. (Mentor Like Jesus, 2009, p. 12)

These sixty-four men have grown as a result of Regi’s influence. He simply took his knowledge in the areas where he has grown the most, and intentionally invested it into a group of guys whom he was best equipped to help. He saw their potential, understood their needs, and knew what kind of deposit he could withdraw and invest into their lives. As a result, he’s helped start a personal growth revolution in 64 men.

You can do the same thing Regi did. Maybe it won’t be a mentoring group, but you can take the areas where you’ve grown the most and use them to impact somebody else. Each one of us has influence—even if only with a small handful of people. You might influence your family, a small group of friends, or even an entire division in your company. The question isn’t “how many” but “how intentionally.” How intentionally are you helping others grow? Are you using your influence to deliberately unlock peoples’ potential? When you do, you’ll experience the power of the Impacting Level.

Question: What step can you take to begin inspiring growth in others this week?

This post was adapted from my book, GO! Starting a Personal Growth Revolution. You can order a copy in my store here or on Amazon or Kindle. GO! is also available from Barnes & Noble. For bulk orders, email me here.

 

In Personal Growth Coaching, Equipping, Growth, Learning, Lifelong Learning, Mentoring, Personal Growth
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3 Strategies to Develop & Equip Your Small Group Leaders

February 21, 2012 — Leave a comment

Every pastor with a vision for small groups knows that they must do more than recruit small group leaders, but they must develop and equip their leaders too. Most pastors don’t need convincing, they simply need a systematic process and strategy. So here’s a simple lens to help you see leadership development more clearly:

1. ON-SITE TRAINING: Growth Opportunities that are Event Driven - When most pastors think of leadership development, they often think about an event that happens on-site and challenges and energizes their leaders. While training events cannot fully solve your leadership development needs, they do offer inspiration.

I’ve often said, “Events inspire change. Process creates change. Habits sustain change.” We all want to see people develop the habits to lead effectively, but sometimes they need the inspiration to get started. On-site training events with all of your leaders in one setting can offer motivation, inspiration, and practical tips to get the leadership ball rolling. A couple of on-site training events per year can be a great rallying point for your entire small group leadership team.

2. ON-DEMAND RESOURCES: Growth Opportunities that are Web-Driven - More than ever, technology should be leveraged to provide instant developmental tools and growth opportunities for your small group leaders. Whether it’s podcasts, blogs, free downloads, relevant websites, social media tools, small group software, or any other number of tools, work hard to create online resources that are immediately accessible.

Most leaders don’t know they need training until they’re hit with a problem. That’s when they need to know where to go to get what they need. I put 24 short and practical 2-10 minute training sessions online dealing with everything from childcare to group discussion, prayer to group multiplication, serving to conflict resolution, as a practical way to provide immediate training for our leaders. Most of your leaders won’t remember what you shared in your training events three months ago…but they will remember where to go for help if you’ve created a strong web presence.

3. ON-GOING RELATIONSHIPS: Growth Opportunities that are Relationally Driven - The third strategy to develop and equip your small group leaders is to provide relational support through coaches or community leaders. Mobilizing a team of people to provide follow-up, conduct huddles, and provide supportive coaching will help your leaders continue their journey without feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipped, or wondering where to turn in times of need.

The strategies above leverage training, resources, and relationships to help your leaders continue to grow and develop. Furthermore, it keeps you from forcing your leaders into a one-size-fits-all growth strategy. Some leaders will prefer training, others will appreciate the immediacy of online resources, and others will enjoy the personal nature of relational support. Having an on-site, on-demand, and on-going developmental system will help you meet your leadership development needs.

Question: What other strategies have you found helpful in developing and equipping leaders?

In Church, Leadership Coaching, leadership development, Small Groups
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How Mentors Lead, Follow, and Get out of the Way

February 21, 2012 — 1 Comment

In leadership, it’s really easy to make people dependent on you for their growth and progress. In fact, when we mentor emerging leaders, it’s very tempting to make ourselves the end all answer for the mentee. In her book, The Art of Mentoring, Dr. Shirley Peddy offers a great reminder of our role in mentoring: “A mentor’s principle purpose is to help another develop the qualities he needs to attain his goals–without a mentor.”

Understanding that phrase, “Without a mentor”, is the difference-maker in mentoring. Our purpose is not to make people co-dependent, unable to function in leadership without us. Rather, as Dr. Peddy observes, our job is to embrace a mentoring process in which we lead, follow, and get out of the way. She observes:

“I think of leading as showing the way by role modeling, experience, or example; following, as advising and counseing (when asked) and getting out of the way as the art of withdrawing from a supportive relationship, while leaving the door open for a more collegial one.”

The only way to lead, follow, and get out of the way is to help mentees develop four essential qualities so they can attain their goals without becoming dependent on us. These four qualities include:

1. Wisdom - Peddy refers to wisdom as an understanding of how the “system” works. In every organizations there is a culture, a system, and processes that people must understand in order to function well and achieve success. As mentors, it’s our job to help the people we serve develop this “wisdom” so they are “accepted as an integral part of the organization.”

2. Judgment - Every decision and action has consequences. Dr. Peddy observes, “A mentor, with objectivity and perspective, can help a mentee understand the long-term impact of his choices.” Mentors don’t make the decisions for their mentees, but rather ask the right questions so that emerging leaders can evaluate their alternatives and assess likely outcomes.

3. Resilience - Dr. Peddy observes, “Resilience is learning from mistakes and coming back with renewed confidence, strength, and determination.” Good mentors use their own failures as opportunities to coach mentees and offer valuable perspective in the journey to success. Their perspective helps emerging leaders bounce back from failure and put setbacks in the proper light.

4. Independence - Mentors have the ability to affirm a mentee’s growth, achievement, success, abilities, and potential. They help emerging leaders grow in confidence and as a result “accept increasing challenges and reasonable risks.” Independence occurs when a mentee receives the necessary support to confidently leave the nest and venture into new territory.

“Leading” allows for wisdom and judgment to develop. “Following” fosters an environment for resilience in which the mentor becomes a sounding board for the mentee. And “Getting out of the way” enables the independence necessary for the mentee to spread their wings and pursue their goals.

Question: What else can mentors do to lead, follow, and get out of the way?

In Leadership Coaching, Leadership, leadership development, Mentoring
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Jesus on Coaching with Questions

January 23, 2012 — 1 Comment

Coaching is a powerful tool that helps leaders grow personally and professionally. Whereas mentoring is more about “pouring in” to a person, coaching is about “drawing out” what’s hidden deep inside of them. Coaches understand that the greatest skill in their coaching arsenal is question-asking. If they ask the right questions, they can help a client surface the solutions to some of their toughest issues.

Apparently Jesus understood this better than anyone. Author Ravi Zacharias observes that nine times out of ten, when Jesus is asked a question, He responds with a question. And author John Dear observes that in the Gospels, there are over 300 questions recorded by Jesus…307 to be exact.

So if you want to excel as a coach, stop just handing out answers to everyone’s questions. Starting asking questions that force people to think, reflect, and respond. The solutions people own the most are the ones they come up with. Your questions can help them come up with the best solutions to their biggest challenges.

Question: What are the best coaching questions you can ask?

In Leadership, Personal Growth Coaching, Questions
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2010′s Twelve Most Popular Articles

December 29, 2010 — Leave a comment

As we wrap up 2010, I thought I would post my top 12 most popular blog articles from this year (thanks for the idea Mark Howell):

In Church, Leadership, Organizations, Personal Growth Coaching, Employee Engagement, Future, Leadership, Organizational Culture, Personal Growth, Teams
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When Leaders are at Their Best

December 15, 2010 — 1 Comment
“Doing” or “Developing.” Leaders today are faced with this tension nearly every day. On one end of the spectrum is the need to “do” ministry. Personality types that are highly driven often pride themselves in their ability to deliver the goods at a pretty remarkable level. When it comes to getting the job done, these “doer” leaders make it happen. 

But then they hit a ceiling. No matter how well they manage their time, how hard they work, or how many hours they put in, the church, ministry, or organization simply stops growing. What’s the problem? They’re “doing” at the cost of “developing.” In other words, they spend all of their time “doing ministry” rather than “developing people.” 

Bill Hybels once observed, “I think leaders are at their very best when they are raising up leaders around them. Or put another way, leaders are at their best when they are creating a leadership culture.” The “Doing or Developing” tension is really a tension of mindsets. The “Doing Mindset” thinks one way while the “Developing Mindset” thinks another. Here’s a contrast of the two: 

1.  Doing Gets the Job Done…Developing Gets the Job Done Through Others - When you first read that statement it can sound a bit self-serving. In fact, it can sound like you’re only concerned about what others can do for you with little regard for who they are as people. But, again, it’s a matter of mindset. If you’re focus is to get a job done, then you’ll only use people for what they can do for you. And when they’ve finished the task, you’ll be finished with them. But if your focus is truly to develop people, part of that process will include mobilizing them to maximize their gifts and abilities for Kingdom purposes. In other words, you’ll “equip them for works of service.” I’ve discovered that when I mobilize people to serve in roles that truly match their God-given gift mix, I’m doing them a favor that is well-aligned with their life purpose. 

2. Doing is Transactional…Developing is Transformational - Sometimes a leader will try to shift to a “Developing” mindset but keep their development efforts tied to a “Doing” mindset. They begin by finding an emerging leader, identifying a job for them to do, and then giving them clear expectations to do the job along with rewards for great execution. It’s basically like a transaction…”I do this for you so you can do that for me.” So when the leader is “trained” or “coached” the entire focus is also transactional. The mantra is: “I’m coaching you to do these skills so that you can better meet my expectations for your job.” Again, it’s nothing more than a transaction. Transactional coaching is important, but it is also limiting. 

Leaders with a “Developing” mindset look at their teams differently. While they certainly want to ensure they have the skills to do their job, they look beyond the project to be accomplished and consider the person doing the work. “Developer” leaders want to help the people they’re leading be transformed into the person God has called them to become. The “Developing” mindset looks at a person’s potential, dreams, and life purpose and asks, “How can I help them take their next step toward their hopes for the future?” The “Doer” is concerned only about the “Transaction” while the “Developer” is focused on the person’s “Transformation.” 

3.  Doing Only Measures Results…Developing also Measures Leadership Reproduction - I addressed this briefly in a post on Measuring the Future of Your Church. The idea is that when you only measure the growth of your church or organization, you’re basically measuring the past. To measure the future, you have to measure whether or not you’re developing people. The people you develop today will determine where you’re able to go tomorrow.  “Doers” only measure where they’ve been. “Developers” measure where they’re going. 

Question: Are you a “Doer” or a “Developer?” What shifts do you need to make to start developing people?
In Leadership Coaching, leadership development, Mentoring
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The Dentist Chair and Real-Time Coaching

December 4, 2009 — Leave a comment

So yesterday I’m sitting in the dentist chair getting a crown replaced when I hear an office worker talking to somebody on the phone–in a bit of a direct tone. As they’re talking, my dentist quietly mumbles something under his breath–faint enough that I couldn’t understand him. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on until a few minutes later when my dentist left the room and began talking to this worker. In a kind, calm, but direct manner, he expressed that the way this employee addressed the individual on the phone could have been handled in a bit more sensitive manner. As I thought about the situation, I have to admit, I admired my dentist’s “real-time coaching.” He took A.I.M. at his employee’s potential: He Assessed her performance, provided helpful Insight, and Motivated her to do better. And all of this happened with respect.


Too often, after a team member makes a mistake, we grumble about the issue but do nothing to address it. As time goes by, more problems occur and our frustration continues to mount. If we’re not careful, we’ll reach a tipping point and an emotional world war three breaks out as we unleash six months of disappointment over a team member’s performance. What’s the solution? Real-time coaching. When a leader observes an issue or a mistake, privately pull the individual aside and help them understand what they did, the appropriate way to address the problem, and offer the encouragement to improve. This instant, respectful feedback–or coaching in real time–is much more effective and provides a meaningful learning opportunity. The team member is usually much more receptive to the approach as well.

Questions: How have you practiced real-time coaching? How have you benefited from real-time coaching?
In Leadership, Personal Growth Coaching
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Coaching for Performance: The GROW Model

November 8, 2009 — Leave a comment

Coaching is gaining traction in leadership circles. Executives, pastors, and organizational leaders are finding increasing value in both receiving coaching and utilizing coaching as a developmental tool with their employees. In his book, Coaching for Performance, John Whitmore not only creates a compelling case for coaching, but offers a practical model–The G.R.O.W. coaching model.


Goal Setting – A coaching session begins by clarifying the goal for the session itself. Taking this crucial first step enables coaches to work from the leader’s agenda (the person their coaching) rather than forcing their own agenda. To establish a clear objective for the session, Whitmore encourages coaching questions such as:
  • What would you like to get out of this session?
  • I have half an hour for this, where would you like to have got to by then?
  • What would be the most helpful thing for you to take away from this session?

Reality - Coaches continue the process by addressing reality. This involves asking questions to clarify the leader’s situation. Because coaches must be as objective as possible, they must ask questions that increase awareness of the leader’s current reality while at the same time being aware of the internal factor’s that can distort the coach’s and leader’s perception of reality. Whitmore offers the following examples as reality questions:
  • What do you feel when summoned unexpectedly to the boss’s office?
  • What emotions are you left with following the recent round of redundancies?
  • What do you think you are afraid of?
  • In what ways do you inhibit your potential?
  • Can you give me a rating on a scale of one to ten for your level of confidence in your ability to give a good presentation this afternoon?

Options - Next, the coach asks, “What options do you have?” Whitmore observes, “The purpose of the OPTIONS stage is not to find the ‘right’ answer but to create and list as many alternative courses of action as possible. The quantity of options is more important at this stage than the quality and feasibility of each one.” The coach isn’t providing the answers, but rather drawing them out of the leader by the questions he or she asks. Whitmore further encourages coaches to ask leaders “What if” so that they can “sidestep the censorship of the rational mind” and unleash more creative thought. Examples of Option questions include:
  • What if you had a large enough budget?
  • What if you had more staff?
  • What if you knew the answer? What would it be?
  • What if that obstacle did not exist? What would you do then?

What - Finally, coaches ask, “What will you do?” This concluding step in the coaching process aims to “convert a discussion into a decision.” It represents the “next step(s)” the leader will take after the coaching session. The following questions can lead to a thorough answer of “what”:
  • What are you going to do?
  • When are you going to do it?
  • Will this action meet your goal?
  • What obstacles might you meet along the way?
  • Who needs to know?
  • What support do you need?
  • How and when are you going to get that support?
  • What other considerations do you have?
  • Rate on a 1-10 scale the degree of certainty you have that you will carry out the actions agreed.
  • What prevents it from being a 10?

Whitmore’s coaching model provides a relevant pathway for coaching others toward growth. What part of the GROW model challenges you the most? What do you like most about the GROW model?
In Personal Growth Coaching, leadership development, Mentoring
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